What if happiness wasn't something that happens to you, but something you do?
In this special joint episode with Dr G's podcast How to Live, Dr Kafa Lee sits down with her friend and mentor Dr Gihan Jayaweera, a Melbourne GP, lifestyle medicine advocate and author of Do Happy: A Way to Be Happy All the Time. They talk about learning happiness as a skill, Dr G's own burnout, why women have been taught to put up with too much, and the simple questions that make someone a real ally.
## In This Episode
- Why happiness is a skill you can learn
- The Feel, Think, Do model and why control matters
- The three Ps of happiness
- "Prescribing hope" for women in perimenopause
- The Do Happy Snapshot: 9 everyday actions
- MAMS: how to build habits that last
- Dr G's burnout story
- How partners, friends and doctors can show up for women
- Kafa's own unrecognised perimenopause
## Happiness Is a Skill
Dr G wrote Do Happy as the book he wished he'd had in his 20s. After reading everything he could on wellbeing and testing it on himself, he realised happiness behaves like a skill, and skills can be learned. When he shared what worked with his patients, they started feeling better too.
## The Feel, Think, Do Model
Most people define happiness as a feeling. The problem? We can't directly control our feelings. Drawing on the core idea behind cognitive behavioural therapy, Dr G explains that feelings, thoughts and actions are all linked. We can't switch a feeling on or off, but we can influence our thoughts and choose our actions, and those shape how we feel.
That's why Dr G defines happiness as the actions that lead to a rich, full and meaningful life, an idea built on the work of Dr Russ Harris. He groups these actions into three Ps: physical actions, psychological actions (how we think) and perspectival actions (how we see ourselves and the world).
## Prescribing Hope in Perimenopause
Many women in perimenopause are juggling work, children and ageing parents while dealing with poor sleep, hot flushes, irritability and a sense that they don't feel like themselves anymore. Too often they've been told to just put up with it.
Dr G's first step is hope: naming what's happening, explaining that it's well-documented and hormonal, and making clear there are options. Menopausal hormone therapy can help many women, and the tools in Do Happy still matter alongside it.
## Better Questions, Better Thoughts
When you ask yourself a question, your answer becomes your next thought. Dr G's favourites:
- What would I rather feel?
- What would that version of me think?
- Can I control this? And either way, what can I control?
## The Do Happy Snapshot
Nine physical actions that can lift wellbeing quickly: exercise, sleep, nutrition, relationships, time in nature, kindness, gratitude, meditation and reducing screen time. Draw a circle, split it into eight sections, add a square for screen time, and score yourself out of 10 on each. You'll see straight away where to focus.
## MAMS: Start Ridiculously Small
Behaviour change fails in two places: people don't start, or they don't continue. Dr G's "minimum absolute musts" make the start almost too easy. Want to run? Day one is putting on your shoes and walking to the letterbox. Tick it off and build a streak. Even if you run 5 km one day, tomorrow's goal is still the letterbox. Once the habit is built, you can add intensity.
## Dr G's Burnout Story
Dr G was working as a GP, coaching, speaking, writing and running webinars. He was also exercising, meditating and going to bed early. He still burnt out: daily headaches, brain fog and profound fatigue, until one morning he couldn't think at all.
Two lessons stayed with him. First, losing self-awareness is part of burnout, so you push harder instead of stopping. Second, as his therapist told him, the body doesn't know the difference between good stress and bad stress. Loving what you do doesn't protect you if rest never comes.
## How to Be an Ally to Women
Dr G's favourite question in his marriage: "What do you need from me?" Often the answer is simply to listen. Kafa adds her own: "What can I take off your plate?" Partners can help by being present, sitting with the discomfort, offering to come along to appointments or events, taking on life admin, and gently suggesting support when someone is struggling.
## Kafa's Story
Kafa shares how she reached out to Dr G after one of his lifestyle medicine webinars, and only realised later that she was perimenopausal at the time: not sleeping, feeling warm at night, and dealing with real brain fog. Dr G's question, "What exactly are you trying to achieve, and does it align with your values?", helped her let go of commitments and choose a life of balance. It's part of why Fiercely Well exists today.
## Episode Chapters
00:00 Preview
00:30 Welcome to Fiercely Well
01:10 Meet Dr Gihan Jayaweera
02:12 Why a male GP cares about women's health
03:40 Happiness is a skill: the story behind Do Happy
05:16 How do you define happiness?
07:26 The Feel, Think, Do model
10:29 Why control changes everything
11:33 The three Ps of happiness
12:30 Perimenopause and "not feeling like yourself"
14:00 Prescribing hope
17:07 Ask better questions, get better thoughts
19:02 The Do Happy Snapshot
21:26 MAMS: start ridiculously small
24:39 How doctors can talk to women about symptoms
27:33 Dr G's burnout story
32:00 The body can't tell good stress from bad
33:11 Why rest is so hard
34:42 How to be an ally to women
37:17 "What can I take off your plate?"
39:13 How Kafa and Dr G met
40:20 Kafa's unrecognised perimenopause
41:17 Why women and doctors normalise feeling unwell
42:38 The question that changed Kafa's path
45:20 Closing thoughts
## About Our Guest
Dr Gihan Jayaweera ("Dr G") is a Melbourne-based GP with a passion for lifestyle medicine. He is the author of Do Happy: A Way to Be Happy All the Time, and a coach, speaker and podcaster who mentors lifestyle medicine practitioners to build sustainable practices.
Get Do Happy: https://www.amazon.com.au/Do-Happy-way-happy-time/dp/1922357782
Visit Dr G’s Website: www.drgihan.com
How to Live podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/033NsYrQPN9UqEjyp14rOg?si=0611d7a2c9534565